# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
