Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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