I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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