god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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