the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
