I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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