I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
