is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
