My hand turned me down
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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