She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
