I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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