She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
