For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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