My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
