they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
