so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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