Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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