She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
