my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
