I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say đ
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I should have known it wouldnât work. Someone saved in her phone as âSubway Sexâ called the week before the wedding
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