as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think my moral compass just broke
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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