Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
