are you so shy because you have an std?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
