Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
