I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
