You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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