Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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