I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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