belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
