So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
