fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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