i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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