I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
