Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
