My friends, they love my intelligence
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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