our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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