well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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