I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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