you guys were way drunker than both of me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
