pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
