Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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