I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
