So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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