just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
