I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize