There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
