I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
