quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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