u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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