the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
