I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
