no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
