we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Randomize
