Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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