I just made out with a guy for $7.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
