Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
