I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
