I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
