rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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