Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
