We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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