dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
