She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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