my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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