This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
