Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Randomize
