can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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