people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
