I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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